Wanderers Will Never Cease

That seems to be a more popular greeting here than g'day. This is somewhat of a severe disappointment to me, as is the fact no one has ever asked me to put another shrimp on the barbie. Nothing is ever fair dinkum and so far there's been no stoning the flaming crows. I want a refund! But not until I've drunk my tea (pinky arched), shown off my terrible teeth and joined some kind of queue - any will do. Mind you, the first time anyone spoke to me in Australia was an Eastern European shopkeeper who, having heard me speak, started saying "twenty marlboro lights" to me over and over again in a very dodgy British accent. It seems we may not be best known for our tea drinking abilities after all.

What I like about the Aussies (particularly in Tasmania, where we've just been) is that they're very straight forward. You know where you stand with their road names. Tom's Hut Road leads to Tom's Hut (whoever he is). Bust-Me-Gall Hill is indeed a biggun but not quite as treacherous as the nearby Break-Me-Neck Hill. Egg and Bacon Bay is slightly misleading as there were none to be found, but chances are they were having breakfast when they were naming the place. Penguin did have penguins and although Elephant Pass didn't have an actual elephant, the mountain's silhouette there supposedly looks like one. Based on all of this, I decided to give both Bagdad and Dismal Swamp a miss but I'm sure they're very nice. I was sad to miss out on Promised Land and Paradise but it's currently only week 3 out of 11 in Australia and I don't want to peak too soon.

That's not my bike - that would be way too healthy. I borrowed this photo from a talented fella/sheila named Scoand - many thanks to them.

Anyway, back to the start of our trip. Despite the silence up until now we are indeed safe and sound in Australia. We had a stressful time getting out here but I always had faith it would be worth it and so far I’m not disappointed. Our biggest trial was moving out of our lovely home - a task that’s daunting at the best of times but even more so when the things you’re counting on start to fall through one by one. One of the many bonuses of travelling is the confidence you gain by being able to tackle adversity and the unexpected head on, so perhaps this was just a little taster. The main thing is that we made it and we can now start to forget about all the stress we left behind.

Despite getting to the airport early, we still managed to get confused by the boarding times (and perhaps a little distracted by a massive breakfast) which meant we had to run to the gate in order to make the flight. We were the last two people to board the plane, so when I spotted two empty seats in business class I thought our luck was in. Sadly not - being late and having croissant crumbs still hanging onto your beard (mine, not Paul's) doesn't win you many favours.


Chowing down at the airport, oblivious of the planeful of fury as the other passengers wait...


Proof we actually left the country.

22 ½ hours later (with an hour or so in Hong Kong thrown in at around the half-way point) we arrived in Sydney. Most of the first week in Australia was spent trying to push through the jet lag. Having been to Sydney a few times before, we didn't feel pushed to rush round all the tourist sites like we may have done otherwise so it was a very relaxed affair. Just what we needed really while we were shifting our body clocks and getting adjusted to Australian life.

After a grey and miserable day (a truly British welcome!), on our second day in Sydney we took advantage of the first sign of good weather. We walked down to the Opera House, picked up a cold drink and walked round to the Botanical Gardens to sit on the grass and watch the world go by. The gardens are beautiful and hug the sea so you can watch the world go by on the water as well as on land. We photographed the birds flying by our heads (a little too closely at times!), got sunburnt and had an argument with the woman who wouldn't give us a student discount on the little train thingy that rides around the gardens. It was bliss.


A rainbow lorikeet. Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

The next day we went to the Powerhouse Museum. I won’t beat about the bush. It was terrible. Really really crap! Guide books promised hours of interactive fun and amazing design innovation. The most interesting thing we saw was a pushchair that appeared to be moving around on its own. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a short toddler that had escaped from his parents and had done a runner with his buggy.


The Powerhouse Museum. As exciting outside as in.


Glad to locate the fire service for when Paul inevitably accidentally sets something on fire.

The best the museum had to offer was a portable sink that you could take out into the garden to use your washing up water to water your plants. It also had an enormous display explaining the ins and outs of a clarinet. I left wanting those two hours of my life back. It only cost us £3 each but it still felt like a rip off! Still, if you ever need an expert on woodwind instruments, I'm your man.


A sink. Try to keep your excitement under control.

The following day we discovered we'd lost Paul's camera charger so we ran around most of Sydney trying to find a replacement. Finally found one shop that obliged, only to be told an official Panasonic charger cost about £90. When the shop assistant told us, our faces would have made you think he'd just insulted my mother. We ended up getting a fake charger for half the price, which broke in under a week. We celebrated by going to bed without any dinner. This is the part of the blog where you pity us.

On our last day in Sydney we did our laundry, watched Alice in Wonderland in 3D at the Imax (cost more than our room for the night) and took a few photos around the city. We'll be back here again in a month or so, hopefully to do the Harbour Bridge climb (injured ankle withstanding - more about that in the next blog!) so our last day was pretty uneventful. Despite that, sitting on the steps in Darling Harbour as it got dark was one of my favourite moments of the trip so far. The hustle and bustle of the harbour as the sunlight faded while the neon lights took over was lively and fun yet strangely peaceful and relaxing. I could have stayed there all night.


True story.


Darling Harbour at night

So that more or less sums up our glamorous first five days in Australia, give or take the odd opportunity to gorge ourselves on chinese food and Tim Tams. Paul insisted we return to BBQ King, which includes entertainment along with its good food by providing some of the worst Fawlty Towers-esque service we've yet to experience. The waiter leant over us and grabbed our paper serviettes to give to the table next to us when their hands got sticky. The chef bowled us a can of coke when we got thirsty. Smoke billowed out of the kitchen along with a eye-watering smell of burning plastic. I started to get excited about what would happen next.


Modelling the excellently-caught gourmet can of coke.


Looking bemused at the goings-on.

Our home for these five days was a nice (and expensive) YHA hostel, which has spoilt us somewhat. The rooms were clean, the bathrooms decent and we didn't get woken up in the night once. Would stay there again in a heartbeat.


Sydney Central YHA


This is a very nice hostel. Trust me.

I've had extensive experience of how grimy backpacker hostels usually are but I suspect Paul's expected them all to be like this. I tried to acclimatise him by never doing my washing up and leaving the toilet in a state I wouldn't wish my worst enemy to find it in but he lacked the necessary gratitude. He's going to have to learn the hard way.

Next blog: Tasmania. It didn't quite go exactly to plan...